So against my better judgment (and because nothing else was on at the time) I watched the BET Awards. Trying to give this stupid network a chance to recapture my attention (and see some live music).
So here’s the mahogani performance recap:
Usher opened with the same performance we've seen since "Love in this Club" first came out ... Losing your edge Ursh?
I was not impressed, especially since he was lip syncing ... I had hoped Chris Brown would open but we can't always have what we want right?
Ursh, let it go .. You had a good run but it's over now ... You’re starting to remind me of LL ... just let it goooooo! (I’m so bored). He's doing the same I-jacked-Michael moves that he did when his last album dropped ..
But wait .. if he does that what will Ne-Yo do on stage??? LOL
They did get Ne-Yo (the other Michael Jackson wanna-be) smirking into the camera right after the Ursh performance lol .. good job BET.
MC Lyte (the announcer for the night) screams out all the names of the performers and presenters and then DL Hughley comes out looking like he just stepped outta the 40s with a hangover ... he was kinda funny ...
J-Hud and Terrence Howard come out .. she sings, he plays the guitar .. they look like they're about to full-on make out on the floor ... who writes this crap???
Best Male R&B nominees are Chris Brown, Raheem Devaughn, J Holiday (wtf?), Ne-Yo, and Trey Songz (my baby daddy!) ...
If that's the best of R&B I need D’Angelo and Maxwell to return to the scene IMMEDIATELY ...
T and J flirt a little more and then announce C.B. as the winner (surprised? i wasn't) ...
C. B. slowly makes his way up to the mic in his black and white MJ'esce jacket and makes his thank yous short and sweet ... and gives Weezy props on his new (sold-one-million-in-a-week) album before leaving the stage. (and yeah he was sitting by his boo Rihanna) ..
After a commercial break (filled mostly with BET promos) Young Jeezy performs against a flag backdrop (on a big screen) ... I change the channel because he bores me ...
And we're back ... with Lyte screaming again .. Introducing Kevin Hart (comedian) and Mel B (lookin “smashing” and wayyyy taller than Kevin) ..
Again, who writes this shit? The show would be much shorter if they shut the hell up ...
Ok Best Male Athlete noms are: Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Floyd Mayweather, Tiger Woods, Chris Paul ...
Guess who got it ..
Kobe .. big shocker ...
Kobe's at home crying over his big ass beatdown last week (Go Celtics!) so he couldn't accept his award (my words not theirs) ..
Some of Keyshia Cole's people get a little airtime (her mama and sister) and we're back to a break ...
And we're back ...
DL has fans applaud for Kobe .. and attempts another joke ...
Keyshia Cole hits the stage singing my new fav song "Heaven Sent" ... She looked gorgeous but was barely audible ...
Throat problems or bad audio? Who knows with BET at the wheel .. But she didn't sound her best even though she looked it .. She saved face but screaming and having the audience sing for her .. poor thing ..
Cut to some dude ripping her pretty dress bottom off revealing white shorts/hot pants and white boots (classic hood Keyshia) and sings her other song "Let it Go" ... She had Kanye and A-Ham jammin ..
Then Lil Kim appears in black and grey with her long (busted) Tyra weave (and we see John Legend’s model chick whisper something in his ear) ...
The performance is over ... so what’s next?
Oh my, Cuba Gooding Jr., Nia Long and Morris Chestnut ... A Boyz N Da Hood reunion ...
I hate Nia for always looking so good ... but WTH did Morris and Cuba have on??? ... and why does Cuba sound drunk?
OMG somebody get him! he's sending shout outs to Ice Cube and saying the word "dawg"! He needs to be arrested immediately! (Please YouTube that if you didn’t see it, it’s a hot mess).
The trio introduces Best Female Hip hop Artist (there's more than one?). The nominees were Missy, Eve (oh yeah i forgot she's rappin’ again), Kid Sister (are ya'll kidding me?), Trina and Lil Mama ..
The award goes to Missy .. but she's not there to accept it.Another break .. more promos .. Yada, Yada .. DL talkin’ ... Yada Yada.
Ne-Yo hits the stage looking like a smooth criminal video in a gray suit to perform "Closer" ... Did he steal DL's outfit? and what's with the black gloves and WHITE shoes? It's JUNE negro!
I swear M-Jack needs to sue his ass for stealing his identity ... (and looking at this performance, Phi Beta Sigma and Alpha Phi Alpha needs to sue for stealing their steps) ... He sings to Queen Latifah and he looks less than impressed ... I swear him and Usher share one brain ...
The one highlight of the performance was the MTV "America’s Best Dance Crew" winners Jabbawockeez doing a lil’ sumthin sumthin at the end ... I was more excited to see THEM lol ..
Next ...
Out comes Ashanti looking 12 and LL looking 50 ... Her in a gown and him in street clothes ... (*yawn*) ...
More unwitty banter ... (*yawn*) ...
Best New Artist noms are: The Dream, Estelle, Flo Rida, Chrisette Michele (my girl!!!), Soulja Boy (I refuse to add Tell Em to his name) ...
The award goes to The Dream .. now that WAS a surprise, i was sure S.B. was gonna get it .. The Dream isn't there (what the hell else could he possibly have to do?) ... Looks like nobody came that actually WON .. WTH?
Another break ...
Ok I usually don't pay attention to commercials but they're coming out with a HYBRID Cadillac Escalade? Oh that's gonna be hot! .. expensive as hell, but HOT ... Damn I need some money ... or a sponsor lol ..
Ok we're back ... DL points out Queen Latifah, Diddy and Nelly (sitting by Ashanti), and then shouts out the "Section 8" corner (his words, not mine) ...
Alicia hits the stage singing “Teenage Love Affair” .. I'm honestly sick of Alicia but I love that video ..
On the BET stage, she's dressed in some black leggings that make her look much less wider than usual .. She has her back up singers/dancers in all black looking like Rihanna clones ... and A. Keys is all bronzed and oiled up .. (sup with that?) ...
The band breaks it down and she starts singing her rendition of “Weak” by SWV .. Then the ladies of the 90s group come out singing the hit, looking thick and old but Coko still has those pipes (don't get it twisted) ... and proceeds to prove it.
Next A. Keys does "Hold On" by En Vogue and then all four of them come out singing .. (looking diva fab and flawless) ... A. Keys and EV’s lead singer battle for the lead for a minute...
EV exits and TLC enters and sing "Waterfalls" .. even did the little dance .. T-Boz sounded a little hoarse but both her and Chilli still look the same .. (fab-u-lous) ... All the groups come on stage to finish out the song together ...
Thank you Alicia for not singing the whole time and bringing back some of my favorite 90s groups! Bravo bitch!
Next up .. Niecy Nash (the black chick on Reno 911) looking cute .. but of course she's armed with boring ass banter about Madonna and Angelina adopting kids (what’s that got to do with BET?) ... She then brings out her "kids" she found ... 3 non-black children that she gave ghetto ass names .. and ends her speech with "Instead of making it rain ... get yourself some white kids"
(*blank stare*)
She intros the Best Male Hip hop Artist noms: Common (*sigh* I love him), Jay-Z, Lil Wayne, Snoop, and Kanye ...
To my surprise, Kanye wins it over Weezy ... but hey, he brings him on stage anyway ... makes a short speech and peaces out ..
The cast of Baldwin Hills (BET's fake ass version of MTV's "Laguna Beach"/"The Hills") tosses us to break (after plugging their new season) .. *YAWN*
And we're back ... with T-Pain (the mad hatter of hip hop) on the stage reminding me of a mix between Bishop Magic Don Juan and Willy Wonka .. as he calls himself "The Ringleader" .. (in essence meaning he just appears for a minute while everyone else does the real work .. )
He then goes right into "Low" and out comes Flo Rida (the new buff-ass rapper) .. Then out comes Rick Ross doing HIS hit with T-Pain ..
Next on the parade of "I did songs with T-Pain" is DJ Khaled (did I spell that right, if not, oh well), Big Boi, Ludacris ... All lip syncing and running all over the stage ... Sheesh .. get a grip people.
Ok it's over ... whew ...
Out comes Gabbie (Gabrielle Union) and Derek Luke who both plug their new movies (Derek is playing Diddy in the upcoming B.I.G. movie) ...
More stupid commentary that they can keep to themselves ... boooo ...
Video of the Year noms are : Ashanti (The Way That I Love You), Erykah Badu (Honey), MJB (Just Fine), A. Keys (Like You'll Never See Me Again), UGK f/ Outkast (Int'l Players Anthem), Kanye West f/ T-Pain (Good Life) ...
UGK wins and of course they honor the late Pimp C ... (his wife joins them on stage .. she thanked everyone for their love) ...
And we're back ...
The mood changes as we hear "Never Would Have Made It" .. It's church time ... Marvin Sapp finishes and is joined by DL who makes a damn JOKE with the gospel folks ... SMH.
Mary Mary and Lisa Lisa come out to present the next award for Best Gospel Artist.
The nominees are: The Clark Sisters, Kirk Franklin, Deitrick Haddon, Marvin Sapp, and Trin-i-Tee 5 7 ...
The award goes to Marvin Sapp (big shocker huh) ... That song is on every cell phone, i-pod and MySpace page all over the country. He did his THING.
Another break, and we’re back ...
My boy Chris Brown hits the stage singing “Hearts all over the World” (is that the name of that song? lol) ...
He actually sounds great but that white clown bow tie he had one was NOT hot ...
The music changes and he goes into “Take You Down,” pumping his pelvis like some men only WISH they could. The boy damn near had a woman sitting on his face ... he so grown! ...
Next is a dance sequence with some chick (it LOOKS like Lil Mama) that is super hot ... Rihanna claps for her man and he leaves the stage ...
Out comes a cluster of people ... Cassie, Solange, Soulja Boy, David Banner and some other dude with an Obama shirt on, introduce the nominees for Best Collaboration:
Chris Brown f/ T-Pain (Kiss Kiss), Keyshia, Missy and Lil Kim (Let it Go), Flo Rida f/ T-Pain (Low), DJ Khaled and a whole bunch of damn people (I’m So Hood), and Kanye f/T-Pain (Good Life’s 2nd nom) ...
Lemme guess someone with T-Pain is winning right?
Yep . Kanye and the Mad Hatter get the award ... Sorry ladies, you were out-TPained ...
TP walks in slow motion to the stage (I swear he’s on something) ... Kanye goes off talking about what a genius T-Pain is and how he (Kanye) is one of the kings in the game and his “opinion counts”! ..
Whatever Kanye. TP opens his ugly mouth for a minute and then takes off again in slow motion ... (I roll my eyes) .. and we’re off to another break ...
But wait ... Hey Toccara! Why aren’t you hosting??? You look fierce though hun! ..
And we’re back with more DL foolishness ...
Then out comes John Legend ... not to perform but to introduce the Achievement Award for (Rev.) Al Green.
You could tell he was just reading the prompter and knew nothing about Al Green because he was stumbling all over the words ... JL gets on my last nerve but I couldn’t even tell you why ...
Up comes the video tribute to A.G. (who was a hottie back in the day!) ... voiced by JL ... I turned the channel (sorry Al) ...
But I turned back in time to see the live tribute, featuring Jill Scott (LOVE HER!) singing “Still in Love”, then A-Ham (Anthony Hamilton) came out as well (didn’t catch what he sang) and then the shocker of the night that had me on MY feet was MAXWELL (yes, THE Maxwell – Sumthn, Sumthn, Til the Cops Come Knockin, fine ass Maxwell) looking VERY sharp and hitting them notes like he came out last WEEK.
OMG, I’m gonna die if he comes back ... We need you Max .. We NEED YOU!!!
Then Al sings a couple songs: “Love and Happiness” and “Let’s Stay Together” ... (in reverse order). And we’re off to another promo break (with a few commercials) ...
Next: Terrence and Rocsi (and some contest winner) from 106th & Park come out to present the Viewer’s Choice Award ...
The nominees are: Chris Brown (Kiss Kiss), Keyshia Cole (Let it Go), A. Keys (No One), Lil Wayne (Lollipop), Soulja Boy (Crank Dat), and Jordin Sparks w/ Chris Brown (No Air) ...
The award goes to ... Lil Wayne ... He literally SHOUTS OUT his Thank Yous ... and quickly exits.
More DL ... (*yawn”) ..
Then Rihanna comes on stage in a gorgeous gown to sing “Take a Bow” (and she SANG it well) ...
A lotta people hate on Rih Rih but she’s classy and talented and is HERSELF (meaning everything on her is real – ok maybe except the lashes) ... and that’s admirable. You can’t hate ...
We don’t expect her to sound like Whitney or Mariah so haters take a break!!! I kinda wished she woulda sang “Don’t Stop the Music” though. Still, a GREAT performance.
As we go to break, the announcer shouts out other awards given out that night:
· Best Group: UGK
· Best Actress: Halle Berry
· Best actor: Denzel Washington
· BET J Award – Raheem Devaughn
· Best Video Director – Erykah Badu and Mr. Roboto
After another break BET CEO Debra (I made BET change its programming so Black people would watch again) Lee comes out to say who gets the Humanitarian Award – Quincy Jones.
Did you know Q got 79 Grammy nominations and 27 Grammy wins? Did you know he was 75? ... well now ya know .. lol ...
After a video tribute, out comes Queen Latifah to introduce Q ...
After a lengthy speech, he gets a standing ovation and we’re on to another break ...
We’re back and DL starts to introduce the next act but Ashanti interrupts him to intro her boo Nelly ...
Nelly, JD and the Anti-Gravity Boys (???) make their way to the stage ... Nelly is hollering like he’s brand new to rappin’ and I’m not impressed .. Maybe it sounds better on radio. I think the song was “Stepped on my J’s” ??? ... WTF Nelly? You’re not 18 anymore dude!
Something that looked like Ciara came out on a bicycle and attempted to sing, then danced ...
Fergie did better than Ci-Ci, with her wanna-be rapping ass lol .. I loves Fergie. She gets a pass, I’m sorry. I wish I looked like that at 40ish. Hell I wish I could look like that NOW at damn near 30 ... but what’s really sad is he almost outrapped Nelly lol ...
Moving on ...
Diddy and some chick come out and Diddy forgets he’s not hosting til’ the after-party, and goes off re-cappin the whole show.
Finally they introduce Best Female R&B Artist nominees: MJB, Keyshia Cole, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, and Rihanna,
The award goes to Alicia ... not liking her look (as usual) but whatever ... (I’m sad that Keyshia got NOTHING that night).
After another break we see the Mad Hatter, I mean T-Pain, on the stage ...
After a wack-ass intro ... out comes Weezy (Lil Wayne), but why is T-Pain singing over his voice on the pre-recorded track?
I know the world loves Weezy but I’m still not impressed. He looks like Flavor Flav’s love child and he always sounds like he just got finished smoking trees and then decided to grab a mic and rap for his backyard full of homies.
They do a few songs (dressed in T-Wayne shirts) and a quick outro by DL ends the show ...
Hell no I didn’t watch the afterparty with Diddy and his liquor sponsor so you’ll have to get that recap and all the photos and performances HERE, or catch the reruns this whole week.
All in all it was a decent show but much too long and too many lackluster performances. Just has me eager to see it done right at the MTV VMA's.
In other BET show news ... Hip Hop vs. American Part II debuts tonight at 7 pm, WATCH IT!
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